The start of a searching and fearless inventory #1-5
Step 4: The start of a searching and fearless inventory about me and my attitudes and Beliefs about Workaholism.
For getting the most out of this inventory, we suggest writing your responses. Include everything that arises, and be as honest as possible. Do it in several sittings. Another way to do this inventory is with your group, discussing a few questions at a time. Be prepared to process feelings that may come up.
Warning: they may be overwhelming.
1. Am I aware of the difference between job and self-created pressures? Between hard work and compulsive work?
Yes I am aware of the difference but have a hard time with the latter. I have been told by many people that I take on more than I need to, that I need to "check it [work] at the door" but somehow it is not that easy. For my whole life work has been a part of me. More on this later about my parents views on work etc.
2. Have I balanced my life so that it includes physical nurture, family and social life, and spiritual fitness?
I am working on it. Getting this new job is a major step. I have a clean slate on which to set and enforce my boundaries. I am scared about it but I have to believe that I can do it with the guidance of my HP. I am tired of squeezing in time for things.
I make the time for the family and social aspect but I am usually exhausted. Having sex? It happens but it is "another thing to get done" and I hate that. Spiritual enrichmnet? Not so much. I have struggled with what path I want to take on my spiritual journey. I was raised Catholic but have some reservations about what I perceive to be major contradictions in what the Church preaches and what it acutally does.
I spent a year practicing Buddhism and it was very peaceful but ultimately there were conflicts when it came to a certain point regarding reincarnation and past lives. Being an all or nothing person I walked away at that point which was probably a sad choice. I got extremely involved (workaholically) in the center and compulsive about doing all I could. I often wonder about going back, and then when I hit something that "did not work for me" I just walked away. It's diappointing really. I remember the sense of calm I had during the year I was there.
I am thinking about trying to go back, or maybe giving Catholicism or an Evangelical church a try again. Whatever I decide I need to approach it with the motto of "taking what I can and leaving the rest" and not abandoning something just because I do not agree 100% with every thing.
3. Has working caused me to develop addictive habits-- overeating, smoking, drinking, etc.?
Overworking has caused to have less concern for my health overall. When I am stressed I will eat whatever is not nailed down and I have a much stronger craving for carbohydrates. Neither of which is good for me as a Type II diabetic. I don't smoke. I have had more drinks while I was at my last job, moreso because it was the culture to go have a drink once or twice a week after work. Luckily using drinking as a relaxation mechanism never posed a problem for me. I am too horrified I will have a hang over to get drunk very often.
4. When was the last time I did anything playful or relaxing?
Last Saturday when I went to the Red Sox game with my husband and some friends. I was fine and very relaxed for the first 5 innings but then I got fidgity. Not really because of work. I had finished at my old job and had not started the new one yet. I think it has more to do with me getting bored easily and not really liking baseball. BUT having said that I do not engage in playful and relaxing very often. When I do get overwhelmed I dive hard core into relaxation. Sleep, a massage, something that offeres immediate [but usually not lasting] benefits.
A friend [or two] recently told me that I don't know how to have fun. I think she is right. It is hard to have fun when EVERYTHING is scheduled and planned.
5. Do I feel most of my problems would be solved if I had more time or money?
I absolutely believe that SOME of my problems would be solved if I had more money. I know money is not going to make me a non-workaholic but being able to pay all my bills on time each month WILL help me relax. Money is an A#1 trigger for me with my anxiety.
6. Do I enjoy my own company?
7. Do people often remind me to slow down and take it easy?
8. Do I frequently think "Is this all there is?" Am I beginning to resent being a drudge?
9. Are the people in my life enabling my workaholism?
10. When was the last time I had a physical check-up?
11. Do I feel the only way I could get my parents' approval for attention was by accomplishments?
12. Is my home an extension of my workplace? Do I arrive home with a load of work and talk only of work?
13. Do I celebrate my victories or am I rushing to my next accomplishment?
14. When I am with family or friends, is my mind preoccupied with my work? Am I present at my own life?
15. Do I have trouble delegating? Do I believe I am the only person who can do a given task right?
16. Do I justify my working hard by saying I play hard?
17. Do I consider being called slow, lazy, or inefficient terrible insults?
18. Do I set unreasonable goals? Am I proud of them?
19. Have my co-workers become closer to me than my own family?
20. Am I proud of my perfectionism?
21. Do I believe my work is my worth, and that the more I produce, the more admirable I am?
22. Do I value admiration over love?
23. Do I schedule my day so tightly that I am always racing? Do I feel my life is blurring?
24. Am I addicted to creating crises so that I can get adrenaline highs? Do I suffer irritable and restless withdrawals?
25. Do I sometimes want to stop working but feel I just can't?
26. Do I accept myself as I am?
27. Is there any joy in my life aside from finishing a task?
28. Do I ever fully savor anything? Am I bored with process and only interested in product? Am I more interested in quantity than quality?
29. Do I ignore body signals -- shortness of breath, pain in chest, headaches, etc. -- believing I have superhuman endurance?
30. When I play games, is it more important to win, or to have fun? Am I always trying to prove I am okay?
31. Do I find silence uncomfortable, especially when I'm with people?
32.Have I burned out from jobs or activities because I didn't know how to pace myself?
33.Am I often irritable and impatient? Do I plunge into projects without sufficient forethought? Do I rush to complete them so that I can validate myself through
seeing results?
34. Do I feel lost or empty when I have time and no task to do? Do I “hoard” work so I'll never run out of work?
35. Do I avoid being alone with myself because it means hearing self-hating thoughts?
36. When I am overloaded with work, do I feel driven to take on even more?
37. Do I know how to work smarter rather than harder?
38. Do I have a need to be needed?
39. Do I lie about the amount of work I do?
40. Do I work long hours without stopping? Do I ever allow time out just to rest or reflect?
41. Do I feel that I'm indispensable and that it all depends on me? That no one else can be as conscientious?
42. Do I feel I always need to be in control, that I must understand and anticipate everything? Were my parents emotionally unstable?
43. Do I underestimate how long a job will take and then binge-work to catch up?
44. Has my doctor warned me to slow down?
45. Do I scorn those not so dedicated to work as I am as frivolous? Or do I secretly envy them for not being driven?
46. Do I turn leisure time activities into money-making ventures?
47. Do spontaneous events upset me because they destroy my agenda? Do I dislike surprises or interruptions?
48. Do I keep my life so overscheduled that there's no room for new ideas or the unexpected?
49. Am I preoccupied with work in bed, on weekends, on vacations, incessantly?
50. Is my mind often racing? Do I often feel overwhelmed, as though I were drowning in work?
51. Do I justify my workaholism by feeling I have a mission or by the urgency of a situation?
52. Am I terrified of failure as humiliating?
53. Do I life as though I were perpetually on duty in an emergency room?
54. Do I think my work is the most exciting thing in my life? Do I work to live or live to work?
55. Am I sometimes frozen, unable to make decisions?
56. Do I work during meals?
57. Am I sometimes relieved to be sick as a legitimate excuse to cancel commitments?
Have I ever spent a day in bed when I wasn't sick without working or feeling guilty?
58. Were either of my parents workaholics? How did that affect my own attitudes toward work?
59. Am I out of touch with my feelings? Am I running from anxiety, depression,
anger, guilt, fear or unresolved conflicts?
60. Do I find it hard to admit that I need help or that I made a mistake? Am I harsh
with myself when I mess up?
61. Am I ashamed of my family background?
62. Have my long work hours and preoccupation with work resulted in neglecting my family? Have I suffered severe memory lapses because of preoccupation?
63. Am I overly critical of myself? Is anything I do ever enough? Do I play “can't win” games with myself?
64. Do I ever notice the sunset, a bird, or a flower? When was the last time I had a hearty laugh?
65. Do I criticize and judge others harshly, measuring them against unrealistically high
standards?
66. Do I do anything just for pleasure? When I attend a party or read a book, is it work-related?
67. Am I terrified of falling behind in my work and not being able to catch up? Or am I more afraid of getting caught up and having nothing to do?
68. Do I feel I have to earn my fun by hard work? When I do something relaxing, do I make work out of it?
69. Do I believe that if anyone really knew me they'd be appalled?
70. Do I feel my life would stop if I didn't keep prodding?
71. Have I ever known anyone who had a comparable job to mine and did it in a leisurely fashion?
72. Do I feel I must improve everything even if it's working well?
73. Do I rush to do more in less time and then wonder why after I do I have even less time?
74. Am I attracted to demanding bosses and chaotic work situations which bring out my workaholism? Am I loyal to companies even if they underpay or overwork me?
75. Have I realized how much of my family's growth I've missed?
76. Do any of these apply to my life: loaf, linger, lounge, dally, saunter, stroll, idle, indolent, rest, pause, enjoy, gentle, loll, lag, loose, relax, laughter, leisurely, mellow?
77. Have I ever realized that many things get done by being left alone?
78. Have I ever admired myself, or do I seek admiration only from others?
79. Do I find waiting the hardest thing to do?
80. Do I often do what doesn't need doing, such as over-reminding people and improving what doesn't need fixing?
81. Do I scorn relaxation as weakness or trivial?
82. Do I feel compelled to finish all items on my desk each day?
83. Am I determined to surpass, revenge, or vindicate my parents? What am I trying
to prove with my work?
84. Do I compulsively fill every second with activity?
85. Have I ever had a non-work related vacation?
86. Do I feel my real problem is that I lack organization or don't know how to process stress better?
87. How do I nurture myself?
88. Do I frequently make errors and misplace or drop things because I rush?
89. Do I know how do to nothing and just be?
90. Do I think my workaholism is noble or patriotic?
91. Do I believe people who talk or move slowly are stupid?
92. Do I realize workaholism is a killer disease? That it applies to all compulsive
activity, not just job or business related?
93. Do I ever refuse requests for work? If I do, do I always feel guilty?
94. Have I often been called driven, overly intense, relentless, or over-achiever? Do I fear that feeling content would destroy my drive?
95. Do I suffer from insomnia by worrying? (mental workaholism)?
96. Am I afraid that if I slow down I won't be able to compete or that my fellow-workers won't take me seriously?
97. Have I found that though I use more time-saving devices, I still don't have
more time?
98. When I leave a job, do I boast of the fact that they needed two or more people
to replace me?
99. Do I exaggerate my achievements in order to elicit admiration?
100. Do I fear failure yet sabotage myself by overworking?
For getting the most out of this inventory, we suggest writing your responses. Include everything that arises, and be as honest as possible. Do it in several sittings. Another way to do this inventory is with your group, discussing a few questions at a time. Be prepared to process feelings that may come up.
Warning: they may be overwhelming.
1. Am I aware of the difference between job and self-created pressures? Between hard work and compulsive work?
Yes I am aware of the difference but have a hard time with the latter. I have been told by many people that I take on more than I need to, that I need to "check it [work] at the door" but somehow it is not that easy. For my whole life work has been a part of me. More on this later about my parents views on work etc.
2. Have I balanced my life so that it includes physical nurture, family and social life, and spiritual fitness?
I am working on it. Getting this new job is a major step. I have a clean slate on which to set and enforce my boundaries. I am scared about it but I have to believe that I can do it with the guidance of my HP. I am tired of squeezing in time for things.
I make the time for the family and social aspect but I am usually exhausted. Having sex? It happens but it is "another thing to get done" and I hate that. Spiritual enrichmnet? Not so much. I have struggled with what path I want to take on my spiritual journey. I was raised Catholic but have some reservations about what I perceive to be major contradictions in what the Church preaches and what it acutally does.
I spent a year practicing Buddhism and it was very peaceful but ultimately there were conflicts when it came to a certain point regarding reincarnation and past lives. Being an all or nothing person I walked away at that point which was probably a sad choice. I got extremely involved (workaholically) in the center and compulsive about doing all I could. I often wonder about going back, and then when I hit something that "did not work for me" I just walked away. It's diappointing really. I remember the sense of calm I had during the year I was there.
I am thinking about trying to go back, or maybe giving Catholicism or an Evangelical church a try again. Whatever I decide I need to approach it with the motto of "taking what I can and leaving the rest" and not abandoning something just because I do not agree 100% with every thing.
3. Has working caused me to develop addictive habits-- overeating, smoking, drinking, etc.?
Overworking has caused to have less concern for my health overall. When I am stressed I will eat whatever is not nailed down and I have a much stronger craving for carbohydrates. Neither of which is good for me as a Type II diabetic. I don't smoke. I have had more drinks while I was at my last job, moreso because it was the culture to go have a drink once or twice a week after work. Luckily using drinking as a relaxation mechanism never posed a problem for me. I am too horrified I will have a hang over to get drunk very often.
4. When was the last time I did anything playful or relaxing?
Last Saturday when I went to the Red Sox game with my husband and some friends. I was fine and very relaxed for the first 5 innings but then I got fidgity. Not really because of work. I had finished at my old job and had not started the new one yet. I think it has more to do with me getting bored easily and not really liking baseball. BUT having said that I do not engage in playful and relaxing very often. When I do get overwhelmed I dive hard core into relaxation. Sleep, a massage, something that offeres immediate [but usually not lasting] benefits.
A friend [or two] recently told me that I don't know how to have fun. I think she is right. It is hard to have fun when EVERYTHING is scheduled and planned.
5. Do I feel most of my problems would be solved if I had more time or money?
I absolutely believe that SOME of my problems would be solved if I had more money. I know money is not going to make me a non-workaholic but being able to pay all my bills on time each month WILL help me relax. Money is an A#1 trigger for me with my anxiety.
6. Do I enjoy my own company?
7. Do people often remind me to slow down and take it easy?
8. Do I frequently think "Is this all there is?" Am I beginning to resent being a drudge?
9. Are the people in my life enabling my workaholism?
10. When was the last time I had a physical check-up?
11. Do I feel the only way I could get my parents' approval for attention was by accomplishments?
12. Is my home an extension of my workplace? Do I arrive home with a load of work and talk only of work?
13. Do I celebrate my victories or am I rushing to my next accomplishment?
14. When I am with family or friends, is my mind preoccupied with my work? Am I present at my own life?
15. Do I have trouble delegating? Do I believe I am the only person who can do a given task right?
16. Do I justify my working hard by saying I play hard?
17. Do I consider being called slow, lazy, or inefficient terrible insults?
18. Do I set unreasonable goals? Am I proud of them?
19. Have my co-workers become closer to me than my own family?
20. Am I proud of my perfectionism?
21. Do I believe my work is my worth, and that the more I produce, the more admirable I am?
22. Do I value admiration over love?
23. Do I schedule my day so tightly that I am always racing? Do I feel my life is blurring?
24. Am I addicted to creating crises so that I can get adrenaline highs? Do I suffer irritable and restless withdrawals?
25. Do I sometimes want to stop working but feel I just can't?
26. Do I accept myself as I am?
27. Is there any joy in my life aside from finishing a task?
28. Do I ever fully savor anything? Am I bored with process and only interested in product? Am I more interested in quantity than quality?
29. Do I ignore body signals -- shortness of breath, pain in chest, headaches, etc. -- believing I have superhuman endurance?
30. When I play games, is it more important to win, or to have fun? Am I always trying to prove I am okay?
31. Do I find silence uncomfortable, especially when I'm with people?
32.Have I burned out from jobs or activities because I didn't know how to pace myself?
33.Am I often irritable and impatient? Do I plunge into projects without sufficient forethought? Do I rush to complete them so that I can validate myself through
seeing results?
34. Do I feel lost or empty when I have time and no task to do? Do I “hoard” work so I'll never run out of work?
35. Do I avoid being alone with myself because it means hearing self-hating thoughts?
36. When I am overloaded with work, do I feel driven to take on even more?
37. Do I know how to work smarter rather than harder?
38. Do I have a need to be needed?
39. Do I lie about the amount of work I do?
40. Do I work long hours without stopping? Do I ever allow time out just to rest or reflect?
41. Do I feel that I'm indispensable and that it all depends on me? That no one else can be as conscientious?
42. Do I feel I always need to be in control, that I must understand and anticipate everything? Were my parents emotionally unstable?
43. Do I underestimate how long a job will take and then binge-work to catch up?
44. Has my doctor warned me to slow down?
45. Do I scorn those not so dedicated to work as I am as frivolous? Or do I secretly envy them for not being driven?
46. Do I turn leisure time activities into money-making ventures?
47. Do spontaneous events upset me because they destroy my agenda? Do I dislike surprises or interruptions?
48. Do I keep my life so overscheduled that there's no room for new ideas or the unexpected?
49. Am I preoccupied with work in bed, on weekends, on vacations, incessantly?
50. Is my mind often racing? Do I often feel overwhelmed, as though I were drowning in work?
51. Do I justify my workaholism by feeling I have a mission or by the urgency of a situation?
52. Am I terrified of failure as humiliating?
53. Do I life as though I were perpetually on duty in an emergency room?
54. Do I think my work is the most exciting thing in my life? Do I work to live or live to work?
55. Am I sometimes frozen, unable to make decisions?
56. Do I work during meals?
57. Am I sometimes relieved to be sick as a legitimate excuse to cancel commitments?
Have I ever spent a day in bed when I wasn't sick without working or feeling guilty?
58. Were either of my parents workaholics? How did that affect my own attitudes toward work?
59. Am I out of touch with my feelings? Am I running from anxiety, depression,
anger, guilt, fear or unresolved conflicts?
60. Do I find it hard to admit that I need help or that I made a mistake? Am I harsh
with myself when I mess up?
61. Am I ashamed of my family background?
62. Have my long work hours and preoccupation with work resulted in neglecting my family? Have I suffered severe memory lapses because of preoccupation?
63. Am I overly critical of myself? Is anything I do ever enough? Do I play “can't win” games with myself?
64. Do I ever notice the sunset, a bird, or a flower? When was the last time I had a hearty laugh?
65. Do I criticize and judge others harshly, measuring them against unrealistically high
standards?
66. Do I do anything just for pleasure? When I attend a party or read a book, is it work-related?
67. Am I terrified of falling behind in my work and not being able to catch up? Or am I more afraid of getting caught up and having nothing to do?
68. Do I feel I have to earn my fun by hard work? When I do something relaxing, do I make work out of it?
69. Do I believe that if anyone really knew me they'd be appalled?
70. Do I feel my life would stop if I didn't keep prodding?
71. Have I ever known anyone who had a comparable job to mine and did it in a leisurely fashion?
72. Do I feel I must improve everything even if it's working well?
73. Do I rush to do more in less time and then wonder why after I do I have even less time?
74. Am I attracted to demanding bosses and chaotic work situations which bring out my workaholism? Am I loyal to companies even if they underpay or overwork me?
75. Have I realized how much of my family's growth I've missed?
76. Do any of these apply to my life: loaf, linger, lounge, dally, saunter, stroll, idle, indolent, rest, pause, enjoy, gentle, loll, lag, loose, relax, laughter, leisurely, mellow?
77. Have I ever realized that many things get done by being left alone?
78. Have I ever admired myself, or do I seek admiration only from others?
79. Do I find waiting the hardest thing to do?
80. Do I often do what doesn't need doing, such as over-reminding people and improving what doesn't need fixing?
81. Do I scorn relaxation as weakness or trivial?
82. Do I feel compelled to finish all items on my desk each day?
83. Am I determined to surpass, revenge, or vindicate my parents? What am I trying
to prove with my work?
84. Do I compulsively fill every second with activity?
85. Have I ever had a non-work related vacation?
86. Do I feel my real problem is that I lack organization or don't know how to process stress better?
87. How do I nurture myself?
88. Do I frequently make errors and misplace or drop things because I rush?
89. Do I know how do to nothing and just be?
90. Do I think my workaholism is noble or patriotic?
91. Do I believe people who talk or move slowly are stupid?
92. Do I realize workaholism is a killer disease? That it applies to all compulsive
activity, not just job or business related?
93. Do I ever refuse requests for work? If I do, do I always feel guilty?
94. Have I often been called driven, overly intense, relentless, or over-achiever? Do I fear that feeling content would destroy my drive?
95. Do I suffer from insomnia by worrying? (mental workaholism)?
96. Am I afraid that if I slow down I won't be able to compete or that my fellow-workers won't take me seriously?
97. Have I found that though I use more time-saving devices, I still don't have
more time?
98. When I leave a job, do I boast of the fact that they needed two or more people
to replace me?
99. Do I exaggerate my achievements in order to elicit admiration?
100. Do I fear failure yet sabotage myself by overworking?
posted by justme @ 5:54 PM
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