#11-#15
Continuing on my journey of the WA inventory. This set of 5 questions seems harder than the previous sets so far.
11. Do I feel the only way I could get my parents' approval or attention was by accomplishments?
My parents have always been very verbally and otherwise supportive of me and always acknowledged accomplishments, they also very much also acknowledged my trying of anything even if I hated it and stopped doing it. Their only guideline was if I wanted to try something I had to do it for the season or period of time that it existed and give it a fair chance and not stop a soon as I though I did not like it. For example I was DYING to play the clarinet in 4th grade. They bought me one and within 4 weeks I hated it, but I had to finish out the semester then I could stop. Fair enough I think.
I have always known my parents loved me and are proud of me, even when I feel least proud of myself. The ironic thing is I feel some pressure by that. Letting my parents down is something that I don't want to do. I don't think I consciously strive to avoid it but its there. Unlike my brother who has a solid salary and can afford to give them things but does not spend much time with them (relatively speaking he spends a heck of a lot more time with them than many sons of people I know). I can't give them a lot of material things but they don't need that really anyway, they can buy what they want for themselves. I want to be there for them, for my mom as she struggles with having to put her mom in a nursing home etc. But in the same vein I do want to be able to help take care of them as they get older - which does mean financially. Ah this is a much bigger post than just for here.
12. Is my home an extension of my workplace? Do I arrive home with a load of work and talk only of work?
It is hard to say right now. When things were bad at my last job the answer would have been a resounding YES. Even when I did not come home with work talk it was on my mind - somedays I was even too wiped out to talk about it. In all of my jobs I have made friends so I do come home and tell stories of so and so at work, but they are not work stories necessarily.
Now that things are better at my new job I don't bring home work physically or mentally right now, I have to keep working to keep it that way. One thing that I have found helpful so far is that I have been taking the bus to work instead of driving. It seems to give me a better chance to make the transition. Maybe it is because I can get lost in my book or just in watching the people around me.
13. Do I celebrate my victories or am I rushing to my next accomplishment?
I am ALWAYS looking for the next best thing in my life. So beore I finish one task I am thinking "what's next". I am the same way in every area of my life. I have been working a lot lately on "living in the moment" and "finding pleasure in what I have" rather than placing my happiness on getting what I want because I know as soon as I get it I will be thinking what next. I think this comes from a need to prove myself - to who and why - I still am not sure.
14. When I am with family or friends, is my mind preoccupied with my work? Am I present at my own life?
Again a month ago at my last job I would have said yes my mind was almost always preoccupied with work. I think it is hard for me to answer these questions now because I am in the early stages of a new job where there is not much that is my responsibility solely so it is easy to leave on time, and be present in what I am doing outside of work.
15. Do I have trouble delegating? Do I believe I am the only person who can do a given task right?
I hate delegating but yet I always say "when is someone going to make this easier for me" whatever "it" is - well that is rather irrellevent. I want it easier but I don't like to have help to get there. Financial help is one thing, I have needed that at different poitns in my life and I can accept that kind of help, especially when it comes from someone who I know it is not burdening to help me out. In fact I kind of have a "I deserve a break" attitude that I think allows me to be fine with this kind of help.
Delegating always raises the question for me that it would be more work to show someone else how to do it and then check their work than to just do it myself. In the short term this may be true but in the long term it could be hugely helpful. Once example is our household bills - for 6 years I did them all - partly because my husband was in school and I was the one working. They became MINE. At some point juggling peter to pay paul became annoying, probably because I started to see things failing (I mean falling but both words work) through the cracks; FINALLY after 6 years I "let" my husband take on 1/2 the bill responsibilities. It is still hard at times because we do things VERY differently but it does get done. I am still pushing myself to not ask "did you take care of X" etc. but it is a start - one that I see as pretty significant to me.
As for delegation at work - I have always said I do not want direct reports. As much as I take on responsibility for others when I do not need to I do not want to have direct reports to be responsible for. I co-work with others fairly well and can let the other person do some of the task, especially if I know they come to the table with more knowledge in the aread than me.
11. Do I feel the only way I could get my parents' approval or attention was by accomplishments?
My parents have always been very verbally and otherwise supportive of me and always acknowledged accomplishments, they also very much also acknowledged my trying of anything even if I hated it and stopped doing it. Their only guideline was if I wanted to try something I had to do it for the season or period of time that it existed and give it a fair chance and not stop a soon as I though I did not like it. For example I was DYING to play the clarinet in 4th grade. They bought me one and within 4 weeks I hated it, but I had to finish out the semester then I could stop. Fair enough I think.
I have always known my parents loved me and are proud of me, even when I feel least proud of myself. The ironic thing is I feel some pressure by that. Letting my parents down is something that I don't want to do. I don't think I consciously strive to avoid it but its there. Unlike my brother who has a solid salary and can afford to give them things but does not spend much time with them (relatively speaking he spends a heck of a lot more time with them than many sons of people I know). I can't give them a lot of material things but they don't need that really anyway, they can buy what they want for themselves. I want to be there for them, for my mom as she struggles with having to put her mom in a nursing home etc. But in the same vein I do want to be able to help take care of them as they get older - which does mean financially. Ah this is a much bigger post than just for here.
12. Is my home an extension of my workplace? Do I arrive home with a load of work and talk only of work?
It is hard to say right now. When things were bad at my last job the answer would have been a resounding YES. Even when I did not come home with work talk it was on my mind - somedays I was even too wiped out to talk about it. In all of my jobs I have made friends so I do come home and tell stories of so and so at work, but they are not work stories necessarily.
Now that things are better at my new job I don't bring home work physically or mentally right now, I have to keep working to keep it that way. One thing that I have found helpful so far is that I have been taking the bus to work instead of driving. It seems to give me a better chance to make the transition. Maybe it is because I can get lost in my book or just in watching the people around me.
13. Do I celebrate my victories or am I rushing to my next accomplishment?
I am ALWAYS looking for the next best thing in my life. So beore I finish one task I am thinking "what's next". I am the same way in every area of my life. I have been working a lot lately on "living in the moment" and "finding pleasure in what I have" rather than placing my happiness on getting what I want because I know as soon as I get it I will be thinking what next. I think this comes from a need to prove myself - to who and why - I still am not sure.
14. When I am with family or friends, is my mind preoccupied with my work? Am I present at my own life?
Again a month ago at my last job I would have said yes my mind was almost always preoccupied with work. I think it is hard for me to answer these questions now because I am in the early stages of a new job where there is not much that is my responsibility solely so it is easy to leave on time, and be present in what I am doing outside of work.
15. Do I have trouble delegating? Do I believe I am the only person who can do a given task right?
I hate delegating but yet I always say "when is someone going to make this easier for me" whatever "it" is - well that is rather irrellevent. I want it easier but I don't like to have help to get there. Financial help is one thing, I have needed that at different poitns in my life and I can accept that kind of help, especially when it comes from someone who I know it is not burdening to help me out. In fact I kind of have a "I deserve a break" attitude that I think allows me to be fine with this kind of help.
Delegating always raises the question for me that it would be more work to show someone else how to do it and then check their work than to just do it myself. In the short term this may be true but in the long term it could be hugely helpful. Once example is our household bills - for 6 years I did them all - partly because my husband was in school and I was the one working. They became MINE. At some point juggling peter to pay paul became annoying, probably because I started to see things failing (I mean falling but both words work) through the cracks; FINALLY after 6 years I "let" my husband take on 1/2 the bill responsibilities. It is still hard at times because we do things VERY differently but it does get done. I am still pushing myself to not ask "did you take care of X" etc. but it is a start - one that I see as pretty significant to me.
As for delegation at work - I have always said I do not want direct reports. As much as I take on responsibility for others when I do not need to I do not want to have direct reports to be responsible for. I co-work with others fairly well and can let the other person do some of the task, especially if I know they come to the table with more knowledge in the aread than me.
posted by justme @ 7:53 AM
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